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Oculus Dash replaces your computer monitor with VR

Oculus Rift has a whole new user interface that lets you customize your VR Home space and replace your traditional computer monitor with nearly unlimited VR screenspace. Oculus Core 2.0 is rolling out in beta in December.

Oculus Dash

Dash is reminiscent of a Minority Report-style interface, where windows dangle in the air and can be moved around with the wave of a hand. Dash will let you code inside VR, but also bring along your favorite desktop experiences like Facebook and Messenger, YouTube, Spotify and even Google Chrome.

Oculus Dash lets you use traditional desktop computer apps, code and communicate with friends all at once

The Oculus Dash preview showed an app picker that includes Facebook, Messenger, Instagram, Spotify and Google Chrome

Developers will especially enjoy the ability to debug VR apps while actually running them via Visual Studio, Unity and Unreal. Screens appear in full-fidelity inside Dash, and you can access the rest of your PC beyond the core apps.

Customizable Home

The revamped Oculus Home lets you make your startup screen for Rift into your fantasy geek palace. You can pick all sorts of sensible or sci-fi furnishings, like art, seating and toys. You can show off trophies of your in-game achievements, and even play retro video games by popping cartridges into old-school game machines. Oculus is planning to let you hang out with friends inside Home in the future.

It all seems heavily inspired by Aech’s basement headquarters from Ready Player One. Creating a familiar, customizable spaces inside VR could get people more hooked on Oculus’ products. The Sims proved insanely popular, and the new Oculus Home could let you build your virtual home around you rather than beneath you.

Meanwhile, Dash could be the answer for developers and others who rig together multiple physical monitors to give them extra screenspace. Dash will make the screen all around you, so you could shove your music app behind you, and leave chat apps in the sky while your whole front-facing view is consumed by the work at hand. Spending whole work days inside VR sounds a bit exhausting, but for hardcore multi-taskers, Dash could truly be the new computing platform Mark Zuckerberg envisioned when he acquired Oculus.

Read more: https://techcrunch.com/2017/10/11/oculus-dash/

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What Your AIM Screen Name Says About The Type Of Awkward Middle Schooler You Were

A few weeks ago, Toys ‘R’ Us declared bankruptcy and we all thought, “Okay so my childhood is officially dead.” Now, I regret to inform you that your middle school years are also dead,  because AIM is shutting down after 20 years of faithful service. Shocked to find out that AIM is still a thing? Same. But also like, nooooo don’t go! Anyone who was anyone in seventh grade had AIM—unless you had MSN Messenger, aka the Android of messaging apps—and it was where all the juiciest shit went down. Seriously. Raise your hand if you ever had a “boyfriend” who you solely communicated with on AIM and never spoke to IRL. *Raises both hands and feet*

Important AIM features included: 1) your buddy profile, which you could use to shout-out your friends and post cryptic song lyrics so people would know you are sad and give you attention, 2) away messages, which you could use to tell people you were briefly leaving your computer (this was before we took our computers with us everywhere), and, most importantly, 3) your screen name. Creating your screen name, obviously, was an enormous life decision. Right up there with where you’re going to college and what cool accessories you should get for your locker. So what did your first screen name say about your middle school self? In honor of AIM, we investigate:

Sports Related Screen Name – You’re Basic

Ex: SoccerGurl787

You’re 14 years old and lack a personality, so when it comes to creating a cute nickname that represents you, you went with a very simple formula: thing your mom makes you do + your gender + your birthday. You were probably also a baby prostitute an avid Abercrombie + Fitch shopper, and may or may not have a Juicy tracksuit or two in your closet. Uggs: yes. Opinions: no. That’s how you rolled in middle school. Hopefully that’s changed, but I doubt it.

Song Lyrics/Band Name – You Were An Emo Kid

Ex: FallOutGurlXXX

Cue the teen angst. Anyone with a band/music related screen name back in the day wanted you to know two things: They shop at Hot Topic, and they will someday go on a healthy dose of Prozac (hi!). You’re mad at your mom for…something. You’re not sure what, but you’re fucking sick of it! You can’t wait until she goes out of town so you can dye your hair black, and you often draw big Xs on your hands to show people you “go to shows” or whatever. You have a book of poetry somewhere in your backpack, definitely favor Seth Cohen to Ryan Atwood, and will bankrupt your parents on a tiny New England liberal arts college at some point in your future.

Alternating Upper And Lower Case – You’re Annoying AF

Ex: iLoVeMyCaT212

Oh good Lord. You’re one of those 14-year-olds who hasn’t been diagnosed with ADD yet so you’re just popping off at literally all times. Your teachers are constantly pissed at you, and your friends know to get decaffeinated soda for any sleepovers you may be invited to. You’re probably one of those people who spent 10 hours decorating every inch of their lockers, trapper keepers, and backpacks, and the guidance counselor was genuinely worried you were the world’s youngest crackhead. You will eventually be prescribed Adderall and become a dealer functional member of society.

Pun/Word Play – You’re Some Kind Of Genius Or Something

Ex: I can’t think of one. I’m not good at puns.

Damn. It was 2005 but you were living in 2025. You saw the writing on the wall about where screen names were going, and locked down a cool pun/play on your name early. Now that same screen name is still your handle on Twitter, Insta, and Snapchat. You won the screen name game, and are probably my boss or something now.

Just Your Name – Psychopath

Ex: PatrickBateman5

Any child who is given the option to represent themselves in any way possible and just chooses their own name is a future psycho and should be treated with extreme caution. That’s some serial killer shit. You seriously couldn’t think of a SINGLE defining feature about yourself other than the name your parents gave you at birth? Is that because you’re boring, or because your interests included things like harming animals? Serious question. Get help. 

 

Read more: http://www.betches.com/what-your-screen-name-says-about-you

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6 Online Trolls Who Are (Almost) Too Creepy For Words

Although it started out as an experiment in friendliness and connectivity, the internet has since become a battlefield where you can get bombarded with death threats, dick pics, and worse, all because you disagreed with some blog post. But there were supposed to be rules. No pets. No elderly. No kids. You know, like the mafia. Except in recent years, it seems that not even children are safe from being used as hate-pinatas for the internet’s scum. For example …

6

Creepy Men Are Hacking Baby Monitors (And Talking To The Kids)

Let’s picture the scene: It’s 7 p.m., you’ve finally put the baby down, and you’re about to enjoy your weekly two hours of uninterrupted sleep. Then, as you drift off to half-a-glass-of-wine dreamland, you hear it — an adult voice coming from the nursery. With a strength equivalent to 12 Incredible Hulks and wielding a throw pillow like a flail, you burst into the room to confront the intruder … who isn’t there. That’s when you realize: The voices, they’re coming from outside the house.

This isn’t the start of a horror movie, but what could happen if you’ve bought a WiFi-connected baby monitor or camera but forgot to change the default password. Some creepy asshole could easily hack into it and start sleep-harassing your child. One mother from Ontario was rocking her baby to sleep when eerie music started playing through the monitor and a possibly/definitely insane person told her they were being watched. In Houston, a nanny was startled mid-change by the monitor commenting that the baby had a “really poopy diaper.” When she confronted the parents about their little prank, they had no idea what was going on. In another case, one couple was awakened by the sounds of someone screaming at their baby to wake up, pausing only to cuss out the father when he moved to unplug the device.


The real daddy’s foot was later looking for that guy’s ass.

But possibly the worst case of infant cyberbullying was in 2015. One family started having some difficulties with their son, who was claiming that a man was talking to him at night. A slightly more nuanced story than “there’s a monster underneath my bed,” but the parents didn’t buy it. One fortuitous night, they caught someone whispering “Wake up little boy, daddy’s looking for you” to their son over the monitor they’d installed in his room. They immediately unplugged the device, though burning down the house and salting the earth would have also been a valid response.

Of course, it didn’t take too long for these baby creepers to find each other and set up a cozy little hive. After one family found that their monitor was playing unsettling and mysterious music (which surely is all music that inexplicably seeps in through a baby monitor) they managed to trace the IP address of whomever had accessed it. To their surprise / utter disgust, they discovered a whole goddamn website of people dedicated to plugging themselves into baby monitors, allowing perverts and sociopaths with only grandma-ish levels of tech literacy to create someone’s nightmares.

“There’s at least fifteen different countries listed and it’s not just nurseries — it’s people’s living rooms, their bedrooms, their kitchens,” she explained. “Every place that people think is sacred and private in their home is being accessed.”

Change those fucking passwords, guys.

5

Trolls Inflated The Number Of Kids Missing After The Manchester Bombing

On May 22, 2017, some deranged asshole blew himself up in the foyer of a Manchester Arena, which killed 22 concertgoers, wounded hundreds more, and plunged the city into pandemonium. The emergency services and an army of everyday heroes rushed to the devastated site, whilst social media was abuzz with people organizing shelters, transport, and ways for people to get in touch with their missing loved ones. However, this young man wasn’t one of said missing loved ones:

Twitter

This dapper fellow is John, or TheReportOfTheWeek. He lives in the U.S., reviews food on YouTube, and is definitely not the brother of whatever anonymous fuckwit posted this moments after the attack. His picture was one of many Google Image grabs some ghouls were using to bombard the Twitter hashtag with made-up stories of victims. Among the people whose images were used to sow chaos for laughs were some internet celebrities, very Googleable handsome randos, and, because the world is dark and full of terror, a bunch of disabled child models.


Making a “Hey, I wasn’t really killed in a terror attack” vlog probably isn’t something that he was anticipating for his food review series.

When someone tracked down one of the shitheads responsible, they remarked that really, it was the media’s fault for not carrying out basic due diligence in publicizing the identities of these “missing people.” Yeah, stupid media — i.e. random everyday people on Twitter and Facebook — for believing that nobody would sink low enough to intentionally distract people from helping others during a terrorist attack for their own entertainment. Always count on trolls to prove that we all have too much faith in humanity.

4

Griefers Are Destroying Kids Minecraft Worlds

Griefers are people who have fun playing video games by making sure other people aren’t having fun playing video games. Their techniques range from destroying player homes to spamming games with pixelated dicks and swastikas to trying to get others banned to taking over people’s servers. They lie, destroy, and cheat — whatever it takes to rob people of the pleasures they themselves can’t feel in their empty hearts. And the weaker the player, the easier it is to grief them. Like children.

Griefers targeting kids are the worst of the worst. If they can get a small child to give up on their favorite game, they’ve won. What they win, we can’t begin to guess; we’re not criminal psychiatrists. However, we know that the real payoff comes in the form of YouTube videos complete with the high-pitched voices of unhappy kids. And the most popular of all are the Minecraft videos. Since entering the mainstream, Minecraft has become very popular with children, which has infuriated plenty of older players — probably because they make it harder to pretend that Minecraft isn’t just millennial Legos.

Minecraft griefers will pretend to be reviewers from gaming sites so they can lure kids into letting them into their space. Once they’ve infiltrated, they proceed to crash servers, destroy buildings, imprison characters, and basically act like your asshole brother who ruined your pillow fort after you spent a month building it. But as if that kind of cruelty isn’t enough, they then record and publish those children crying on YouTube for the enjoyment of thousands of morally bankrupt human joy-vampires — or teenagers, as we typically call them.

In fact, these videos are so popular that there’s a cottage industry of griefers who have managed to monetize the tears of children. And while this information is enough for most of us to start praying for a meteor to come finish us off like the dinosaurs, others are fighting back. There are guides on how to protect yourself from griefers, and guides for parents on how to handle it, and surprisingly few of advise them to simply start kicking any 14-29-year-old men they meet square in the balls.

And to any kids playing Minecraft reading this: Guides are great, caution is better, but knowledge is best. And know that you’ve already won, because you’re eight and you’re already better at life than these sad, sorry, C- cyberbullies.

3

YouTube Is Crawling With Horrific Gory Remakes Of Kids TV Programs

If you still think bronies are creepy, get with the program. This is 2017, when adults jacking it to rainbow-colored ponies are boring because they aren’t trying to actively scar young children with their mental issues. Not like the new trolls on the block, who intentionally want to traumatize kids via reimaginings of their favorite cartoons all gored up.

Take Peppa Pig, of Peppa Pig fame. On YouTube, there are tons of videos masked as clips from the real show which in truth feature Peppa being put through grotesquely violent things without warning. In one video, Peppa is accosted by a psychotic dentist, who rips her teeth out as she screams in agony.

Another video features Peppa being kidnapped, stabbed, and assaulted by groups of attackers who drag her into the woods while she cries helplessly. The animation isn’t great, but that doesn’t make much difference if you’re three and want to see your favorite pig not be molested.

There are hundreds of examples like this. Popular characters from the likes of Frozen, Thomas The Tank Engine, Despicable Me, Sesame Street, and many others unwillingly star in animated snuff videos. And before you remind us of the fun of Happy Tree Friends, this isn’t meant to be enjoyed by weird adults like us. With channel names like “Toys and Funny Kids Surprise Eggs” (its videos have over five billion views), part of the fun is clearly imagining scores of small children stumbling upon these freak shows and crying all the way to the therapist’s chair.

2

Stormfront Is Tricking Students With A Bullshit MLK Jr. Website

The “alt-right” is all about rewriting history, whether it’s claiming black people couldn’t be Roman legionnaires or pretending that Hitler systematically genocided entire classes of humanity as a bit of a prank, bro. They need to do this because, according to them, history has a deep liberal bias. (It’s also written by the winners, so let that inferiority complex sink in for a moment.) But it’s hard to convince fully formed minds to believe fucked-up white supremacist bullshit instead of legions of respected academics with carefully vetted facts. So when fascists run out of stupid, they have to target the young.

Since the freaking ’90s, the Neo-Nazi website Stormfront has taken to spoofing an official-looking Martin Luther King Jr. website, full of facts and figures that they’re dying for kids to red pill the playground with — including that time he beat up prostitutes, conspired with the Communist Party to take over the country, and cheated on his wife.


They even have flyers! Great for when you want to recreate that opening scene from Die Hard With A Vengeance.

The website, http://martinlutherking.org, is designed to entrap lazy students with overdue book reports who’ll take the first source Google hands them. And it works. It’s such a problem for teachers that they have to keep reminding their students that the official website of this national hero doesn’t call him a “beast” and blame his promotion on the all-powerful ZOG.

It’s weird that many young people don’t question why the guy’s official website was calling for his federal holiday to be cancelled, but they were probably too fascinated by the pop quiz which tells you whether you’re a politically correct libcuck or a woke race realist who’s definitely going to be assassinated by the government. But if you’re looking for a comforting detail, here’s one: This is a problem that’s only destined to get worse. As of now, 35 percent of students are handing in homework assignment that cite spoof websites, fake news, and bullshit statistics that wouldn’t look out of place at a White House press conference.

Oh wait. That wasn’t comforting at all, was it?

1

Role-Players Are Stealing Kids Photos And “Adopting” Them on Instagram

By now, we all know to keep intimate photographs away from the internet if we don’t want them falling into unwanted hands. But it’s no longer just your private reel of nipples and butts that people will use for their invasive entertainment. Internet weirdos will even take the most innocent part of people’s lives and tamper with it: pictures of their children.

Digital kidnapping is one of the latest fucked-up fads sweeping social media, Instagram in particular, and it’s even creepier than it sounds. These pic-nappers sift through photos of other people’s children and claim them as their own, writing up biographies, talking about fake hobbies and quirks, giving them fake names — in short, turning real children into creepy internet dolls for their unmedicated pleasure.

It starts with followers who appear to come out of nowhere. They watch your account, steal the images of your kids, rename them, and claim them as their own. It’s very distressing for parents, who are often unaware until they receive confusing messages from strangers who have seen their children under different names, with different parents and different lives — lives that would make normal people want to call the cops. Here’s a sample of the way role-playing works on Instagram:

With the *shudder* rising popularity of digital kidnapping, so-called “adoption agencies” have sprung up to supply photographs of attractive babies and even older children for “role-players” to claim for themselves. It might not seem too bad on the surface, but imagine being a parent and finding an avatar of your daughter online telling some grown man to stop taking pictures of her in bed. Another of these depicts a newborn with tubes coming out of its body, captioned: “My mother had me trying to kill me in the hospital bathroom. She had me and left me in the toilet. Luckily I clogged the toilet … I need a mommy.”

Some role-players are weirdly fixated on the nudity of the babies, on the sexual power they will wield as they grow up, or other creeptastic aspects of the process of raising a child. The comments aren’t always kind, either. One mother found a role play pic of her five-month-old baby accompanied by jeering comments about the child being ugly and malformed. Worse still, some fake parents enjoy pretending to abuse the children as part of their story. Who knew people who steal pictures of kids and then pretend they’re their children would have mental health issues?

But while digital kidnapping isn’t a crime (not yet, anyway), it can be a gateway to the vile recesses on the internet. According to Australia’s Children’s eSafety Commissioner, almost half of the filth found on pedophilia sites come from social media. Those who role-play with other people’s children are also setting up handy repositories for actual criminal degenerates to get off on. Remember, folks: This is the internet. If you can fake-kidnap a baby to take fake care of, someone else can fake-kidnap your fake baby to fake-molest it. Being a fake-parent is harder than it looks.

When they aren’t planning their island cult/utopia, Marina and Adam spread the good word on Twitter. Adam also has a Facebook page and a newsletter about creepy history that only the coolest kids are subscribed to. You’re cool, aren’t you? Prove it.

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Also check out 4 Things I Learned About Teenage Trolls (From Being One) and 5 Ways to Stop Trolls From Killing the Internet.

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Read more: http://www.cracked.com/article_25045_6-online-trolls-who-are-almost-too-creepy-words.html

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Artist created vitiligo dolls and moves us a step towards representation for all

Toys are moving into the right direction with the expansion of products catered to represent all backgrounds and more creators are taking a step further in providing representation beyond race/ethnicity. 

Kay Black created a custom design boutique called Kay Customz and started creating custom-made dolls just eight months ago. Her newest creations feature dolls with the rare skin condition vitiligo. Vitiligo is a pigmentation disorder that whitens patches of skin around the body. 

“I wanted to create dolls that any and everyone can relate to. I see beauty in everyday life,” she told Mashable. “I wanted to convey the message that beauty should not be manufactured. Beauty should be based on one’s true self mirror image.”

A post shared by kays customz (@kaycustoms) on

A post shared by kays customz (@kaycustoms) on

A post shared by kays customz (@kaycustoms) on

Black is a nail technician and hair stylist, but always felt the creative side in her to pursue this found interest. She gets her inspiration from everyday people and develops different styles for each individual doll. “I love what I do and take pride in each custom design!” the artist stated on her website

The time it takes her to complete a doll can range from a few days to a week. She usually finds the dolls from thrift stores and yard sales. “I paint and customize them, not to take away from anyone else’s work. I simply use the old dolls as canvases,” she explained.

As a result of the success of her vitiligo dolls, the artist started creating dolls with facial features like freckles and individuals with albinism. She even expanded her collection to feature male dolls. 

A post shared by kays customz (@kaycustoms) on

A post shared by kays customz (@kaycustoms) on

A post shared by kays customz (@kaycustoms) on

Many people have praised her on social media, thanking her for being represented through her dolls. They’ve also caught the attention of actors Tia Mowry and Mike Epps. 

“When Mike Epps shares ur work I think it safe to say this doll went viral!!,” she captioned on Instagram

A post shared by kays customz (@kaycustoms) on

WHEN MIKE EPPS SHARES UR WORK I THINK IT SAFE TO SAY THIS DOLL WENT VIRAL!!😍🤗 #mikeepps @eppsie THANKS

A post shared by kays customz (@kaycustoms) on

While Black continues to expand and experiment with her doll collection, she has a future goal she hopes to achieve, “My goal is to go beyond the average assembly line looking doll. I want relatable, realistic dolls,” she explained to Mashable. “My goal is to have my own line of beautiful dolls one day.” 

Kay Black might be closer to her goal than she thinks. 

Every editorial product is independently selected by Mashable journalists. If you buy something featured, we may earn an affiliate commission which helps support our journalism.

Read more: http://mashable.com/2017/10/04/artist-creates-dolls-vitiligo-skin-condition/

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Evaporation Could Be The New Source Of Renewable Energy

A new form of renewable energy could be added to solar, wind, and hydro power. Better still, evaporation as an energy source should be more continuous than most other renewables. So far, the technology has only been demonstrated on a tiny scale, but a new study shows that, if it can be scaled up at a practical cost, it could provide two-thirds of the electricity used in the United States.

Changing liquids to gasses involves the absorption of energy. Water has an unusually high specific latent heat, meaning a high amount of energy required to cause a particular amount to change state. Consequently, it normally represents an energy sink, not a source.

Two years ago, however, Columbia biophysicist Dr Ozgur Sahin demonstrated what he calls the Evaporation Engine. The engine uses bacterial spores that swell when they absorb water. If the spores are attached on each side of a piece of tape with the lines offset, changes in humidity flex the tape, pulling on a piston or rotary engine.


The rotary version of the evaporative engine. Joe Turner Lin

Normally, it would take too long for the environment to change sufficiently for anything useful to come of this, but Sahin placed his tapes inside a container part filled with water. Some were attached to a shutter. When sunlight evaporated some of the water, the air became humid, stretching the tape and opening the shutter. Outside air caused the humidity to fall, which in turn contracted the tapes, closing the shutter. Even after some of the energy produced was used to control the shutters, enough was left to drive miniature cars or power a small light.

There’s probably a market for toys powered this way, but practical application is a different matter. At the time, Sahin and his team thought it might be useful for off-grid electricity production. Now, in Nature Communications Sahin has thought bigger. Much bigger. If the engines were placed on lakes and reservoirs across America, he calculates they could produce 15 Watts per square meter in the right circumstances, and 325 gigawatts nationally, even without tapping the Great Lakes. This equals 69 percent of the electricity America now consumes.

Covering vast areas of lakes with evaporation machines would be expensive, but there would be benefits as well. Somewhat ironically, the machines reduce the rate of evaporation, preserving fresh water in dry areas – exactly the places where the evaporation is fastest, and possibly help paying for the system.

Perhaps most importantly, although evaporation is powered by sunlight and wind, it doesn’t stop even on still nights, although it will slow down. Consequently, a grid powered by evaporation would need less battery storage than one depending on solar or wind.


Evaporation is far stronger in the south-west – exactly the area where the water the engine preserves would be most valuable. Columbia University

 

Read more: http://www.iflscience.com/technology/evaporation-could-be-the-new-source-of-renewable-energy/

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Why Old People Think Millennials Are Killing The World

I can’t take another article about millennials. Which is ironic, since the title of this article will likely have the word “millennials” in it. Since it’s sort of about … you know, millennials. I say “sort of” because I don’t think the tidal wave of “MILLENNIALS ARE KILLING ____” pieces are really about them. Not at their core.

When you really break them down, these articles are about my generation. And my parents’ generation. And every generation that has ever existed since the dawn of humans. Yes, they’re phrased as “Millennials are killing X industry, and that’s bad,” but what they’re really saying is, “The times, they are a-changin’, and that scares the shit out of me.” I don’t agree with those articles, because I think they’re impressively idiotic. But I think the key to battling moronicism is understanding what makes a moron moronic. I haven’t decided whether my own insight is fortunate or unfortunate, but …

This Generation Is Changing The World In A Way That I’m Not Prepared For, And Therefore It Must Be Stopped

Let’s say you live in some tribal culture a few thousand years before the first guy with a Christ complex comes along. Your basic priorities in life are to eat, fuck, sleep, repeat. But because Walmart hasn’t invented guns and smoker grills yet, most of your time is wrapped up in that whole “prevent death by shoving food in your suck-hole” hobby. During your midlife crisis at age 12, you realize, “Holy crap, I’m actually pretty good at this cooking thing. Life would be so much simpler if people just brought me dead things, and I made the meals for everyone.” It makes sense, right? That gives everyone else a couple more hours per day to sleep and/or fuck. In exchange, maybe they throw you an extra rat or something for your trouble. Boom, the first McDonald’s is born.

Within weeks, very few people in your tribe are making their own meals. Why would they? You have that shit covered. This upsets the 25-year-old elders, who spread warnings of impending disaster. “Ogg Brrrpth has destroyed the vital skill of cooking! What if he dies tomorrow? Who will then make our food?” This is a legitimate problem, but not an unsolvable one. You suggest training a couple of apprentices who can step in and take over when you inevitably get eaten by dragons. But the elders are still terrified. “It’s impossible! You have doomed us all,” they shout through mouthfuls of food that you prepared.

Flash-forward several thousand years, substitute “food” with “economy,” and you get a pretty good idea of how this cycle continues today. For instance, this article from Business Insider talks about how millennials are killing casual restaurants. It’s not preaching doom, but the argument it produces among readers is “What does this do to our economy?” I mean, TGI Fridays alone pulled in $1.57 billion in 2015. In 2013, they employed over 70,000 people. That’s a pretty big chunk of change. Take that away, and we’re losing a massive amount of income, spending, and taxes. But “Millennials are killing casual restaurants” does not mean “Millennials have stopped eating food.” They’re just doing it elsewhere. And spending a metric fuckload of money in the process.

My generation doesn’t see the growth because we’re distracted by watching the current crop of humans destroying the conveniences we built. We don’t see that it’s often in favor of another, way more convenient and profitable system. My parents thought computers were making kids dumber because for some reason words on physical paper … magically made people smart? My grandparents bemoaned fast food because it was destroying home cooking and family meals. Their parents were worried that cars made people lazy. And back in those tribal days, I guarantee there were a bunch of traditionalists complaining that “Kids these days have it way too easy. You can’t truly appreciate a meal unless you’ve felt the warm blood of a fresh kill on your hands.”

My generation created a ton of conveniences with the technology that was available, and we did it by deconstructing and remodeling the ones my parents created. We then got used to those conveniences and couldn’t imagine life without them. And now that we see them being deconstructed by our own kids, we have to adapt to the new stuff. And that’s as scary as a John Holmes anal scene.

And that means …

The Problems Millennials Are Dealing With For The First Time Are Problems We’re Dealing With For The First Time

This is going to sound like a really stupid statement, because it kind of is: Modern problems are modern. But it’s important in understanding why every headline about the current generation sounds like old people screaming “We’re all gonna fuckin’ die!” I’m going to give you a minor example of how this works.

In the late 1980s, my dad somehow found a way to splurge and buy us a Nintendo. I’m assuming he harvested and sold the kidneys of a drifter, because we could barely afford clothes at the time. We lost our shit when we opened that box on Christmas morning, and we couldn’t wait to hook it up and start smashing bricks and stomping turtles … and also play Super Mario Bros. We rushed back to the crappy black-and-white TV in our bedroom, and … spent the next hour trying to figure out why it wasn’t working.

See, the original Nintendo had an RF switch, which looked like this:

Via Museumofplay.org

It’s pretty simple by today’s standards, but remember, home entertainment was just becoming a thing back then. Very few people were versed in hooking up electronics. You had to figure out how to run the cable through the switch, then run the switch through the VCR, which then went into the back of the TV. The TV had to be on a specific channel in order to display what was on the VCR. And the VCR itself had to be on a specific channel in order to display what was on the Nintendo. Get one step wrong, and you’re playing a game of Jack Vs. Shit with your friend Chad Nobody.

This is more important than you might realize. See, if my bicycle broke, Dad could fix it (and teach me how), because he grew up with a bike too. He knew how they work from experience. The design has been the same since 1885, so my bicycle problem had at one point been his bicycle problem.

But this Nintendo thing was brand-new to both of us. He knew as much about fixing that problem as I did, so after an hour, his frustration boiled over into “I have no idea: Learn how to fix it yourself. Why can’t you just go outside and poke roadkill with a stick like we used to do?” In his mind, my generation created this new thing which killed off his familiar means of entertainment. Then when a problem flopped its big ol’ dick across our chins, his reaction was to slap it away and blame me for letting it. “You wanted this, so you deal with the cock-chin.”

Now imagine the same scenario, but you’re the parent, and your teenager’s phone bricks. What the hell do you do? Both you and your kid have come to depend on cellphones, and now you’re both in the same boat — you have a $900 paperweight, and neither of you knows what to do about it. When you’re in that position, it’s extremely easy to resent the modern convenience. “If we still had a land line, this wouldn’t be an issue. But now I have to go back to the cellphone store and fuck around with that for three hours. If the warranty is expired, I’ll have to buy a new one. This is BULLSHIT!”

But at its core, you’re just outright embarrassed. You feel insignificant, and it’s all that goddamn phone’s fault. And when that kid learns to fix it on their own? That means they’re now smarter than you. They don’t need your help anymore. You either learn what they just learned, or you become obsolete.

Understand that even though we often overlook that aspect, we’re not totally unaware of it. The frustration overshadows logic when we’re in the moment, but I think a lot of us do recognize that we’re perpetuating an eons-old cycle. So if we’re self-aware, why do we keep buying into those dumbass blind panic articles? Well …

There’s A Kernel Of Truth In Most Of Those Articles

My middle son is very much like me, in that he prefers most of his communication to happen with a thick wall of internet between himself and his target. I’m not great at meatspace conversations, and I goddamn loathe talking on a phone (which is ironic, since several hours of my day are spent on editorial calls … I’m a very important person). With text, I can take the time to craft what I want to say. If I type something stupid, I can just delete it and start over. Start an actual verbal sentence with “You know the thing that nobody understands about reverse racism,” and that shit is now in the ear holes of your peers, no takebacks.

There is, however, a huge difference between me choosing that form of communication and my teenage son doing it: He’s never been forced to learn the harder skill in the first place.

What I’m about to say is going to make me sound like an old man screaming “GIT OFF-A MAH LAWN,” but bear with me. There’s a reason I’m bringing it up. When I was a kid, we had video games, but even multiplayer required your friends to be in the same room with you. Having food delivered still required you, at a bare minimum, to speak to another human on the phone. A ton of our entertainment required face-to-face interaction … even with people you hated. There’s a Chad in every group, and learning to deal with that douchebag is extremely important.

Have you ever had to deal with a really rude customer service worker? What tone and expression do you use when you get pulled over by a cop? Ever had to make a believable ass-saving excuse on the fly? How can you tell when someone is masking that they’re offended? Can you tell by reading their body language and tone of voice? All of that shit comes from practice, and you only get it by spending a nutload of time around people in the physical world. I didn’t do that by choice. I was forced to do it. The big difference I was referring to is that my son is not. And I’m not going to force him to do it, but I realize there are consequences for that.

I had to teach him that using a certain tone when making a joke — especially dark ones — could be misconstrued. That people could take him seriously if he didn’t know the very subtle cues that let them in on it. That sarcasm in text is a totally different structure than sarcasm coming out of your word hole.

So what does all of that have to do with these kinds of articles? Well, as much as I hate to admit it, a lot of them actually do have a sliver of insight. Just a slight hint of truth. Yes, millennials are a contributing factor to Applebee’s declining sales. Yes, millennials do have more trouble talking on the phone than older generations. And yes, they do in fact start “real world” life later than their parents.

When you mix those kernels of truth with a bunch of dumb outrage bait, like this horseshit article, it gets easier and easier to buy into the fucknuttery. It’s a powerful form of dishonesty that starts as an astute observation and ends as your grandmother saying, “See, I knew those video games were the devil!”

Don’t let it get to you. My grandparents’ generation said the same thing about my parents. My parents’ generation said the same thing about mine (we were called “slackers” — I now own my own house). And now my generation is keeping that shit-ball rolling right onto yours. They want to blame you for Toys R Us going bankrupt? Fine. I’ll reap the rewards of your generation allowing me to buy toys without ever leaving my chair.

That is, until millennials kill the concept of chairs.

John Cheese is a senior editor and the head of columns for Cracked. You can find him on Twitter.

If you loved this article and want more content like this, support our site with a visit to our Contribution Page. Please and thank you.

Learn how the generation gap makes it impossible for us to all get along in 5 Lies Millennials And Baby Boomers Believe About Each Other, and see how teens are unfairly judged in 5 Complaints About Modern Teens (That Are Statistically BS).

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Read more: http://www.cracked.com/blog/why-old-people-think-millennials-are-killing-world/

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‘Wonder Woman’ passes ‘Captain America: Civil War,’ will overtake ‘Iron Man 3’ for Top 5 spot


She came at a billionaire playboy philanthropist and did not miss.
Image: Warner bros.

Step aside, Tony Stark — just as we predicted, Wonder Woman will land in the Top 5 highest-earning superhero movies of all time at the domestic box office. And it’ll go down over the holiday weekend, passing Iron Man 3 and settling in behind The Dark Knight Rises, probably sometime mid-Monday.

Wonder Woman had earned $408.939 million in North America as of Sunday, according to estimates from comScore. That put Diana Prince short of Iron Man 3 by a paltry $75,000 — a figure Wonder Woman will easily eclipse on Labor Day, and possibly before.

There’s no way Wonder Woman can get up to No. 4 The Dark Knight Rises ($448 million), what with the home video release coming in mid-September. But a Top 5 finish is still quite a feat, considering that Wonder Woman opened at $103 million, while the four films above it all opened at $160 million or higher. 

Wonder Woman had unheard-of staying power

Translation: Wonder Woman had unheard-of staying power, dropping an average of 33% week over week through its 13-plus weeks of release. Also as we predicted, Warner Bros. staged a special engagement in IMAX to boost earnings in Week 13, taking advantage of the lack of August offerings by putting Wonder Woman in 2,210 theaters.

It isn’t official-official yet, but as of Monday, your new superhero Top 5 will look something like this:

  1. Marvel’s The Avengers: $623.3 million

  2. The Dark Knight: $534.8 million

  3. Avengers: Age of Ultron: $459 million

  4. The Dark Knight Rises: $448.1 million

  5. Wonder Woman: $409+ million

Interesting side-note: Wonder Woman‘s entry into that group shifts the balance of top 5 all-time domestic superhero films from Marvel to DC, which now has three of those spots (though Marvel still has 7 of the top 10, if you count Spidey films).

But that imbalance could be in jeopardy, too — with Gal Gadot’s take on Wonder Woman as popular as she is, Justice League right around the corner, and a Wonder Woman sequel coming before you know it, the DCEU may have finally found its stride.

Read more: http://mashable.com/2017/09/03/wonder-woman-box-office-record-top-5-superhero-movie-official/

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‘Only You And Your Darkness Know Who You Are’ Read Amber Tamblyn’s Open Letter To James Woods!

Now we know what she meant when she said this wasn’t over.

In case you missed how this feud got started, former movie star and current day conservative crank James Woods blasted the upcoming LGBT movie adaptation of Call Me By Your Name for its depiction of a romance between a 24-year-old and a 17-year-old.

After star Armie Hammer called out Woods’ hypocrisy — as he dated a 19-year-old when he was 60 — Amber Tamblyn revealed the actor had actually hit on her when she was just 16! Even after she told him!

Video: See The Call Me By Your Name Trailer

After he responded that her story was a lie, the Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants star decided to come guns blazing at the Diggstown actor with an open letter in the pages of Teen Vogue.

In the letter she recalls the entire story of Woods’ gross approach of her and her friend, and man he does NOT look good.

Read the entire letter (below):

Dear Mr. Woods,

What you are experiencing is called a teachable moment. It is called a gift. It is called a humbling. It is called Jesus, I come to thee. It is called an awakening. It is called a growth edge. It is called hope.

The hope being that through this experience, you can change. You can redefine the man who will come after this moment and this man who came before.

Since you’ve now called me a liar, I will now call you a silencer. I see your gaslight and now will raise you a scorched earth.

My friend Billy and I were at the Roxy on Sunset Boulevard seeing a band we loved. We decided to go to Mel’s diner on Sunset Boulevard in Hollywood to get burgers after. I had just gotten my driver’s license and very specifically remember my nervousness trying to park in the diner parking lot. Upon leaving the restaurant we were stopped by you and your friend, who both seemed very nice. At one point you suggested we should all go to Las Vegas together. “It’s such a great place, have you ever been?” You tried to make it sound innocent. This is something predatory men like to do, I’ve noticed. Make it sound innocent. Just a dollop of insinuation. Just a hair of persuasion. Just a pinch of suggestion. “It will be so much fun, I promise you. Nothing has to happen, we will just have a good time together.” I told you my age, kindly and with no judgment or aggression. I told you my age because I thought you would be immediately horrified and take back your offer. You laughed and said, “Even better. We’ll have so much fun, I promise.”

Here’s the thing, Mr. Woods. At that time I was not a public persona. I had done a couple years on a soap opera as an actress, but you wouldn’t know me from Adam. I’m sure you’ve racked your brain trying to remember how you could’ve possibly hit on the actress Amber Tamblyn at a diner almost two decades ago. You think, it’s not possible, there’s no way I would’ve been so stupid as to hit on a 16-year-old known actress. But I wasn’t known then, James. I was just a girl. And I’m going to wager that there have been many girls who were just girls or women who were just women who you’ve done this to because you can get away with it.

The saddest part of this story doesn’t even concern me but concerns the universal woman’s story. The nation’s harmful narrative of disbelieving women first, above all else. Asking them to first corroborate or first give proof or first make sure we’re not misremembering or first consider the consequences of speaking out or first let men give their side or first just let your sanity come last.

So it is with hope, Mr. Woods, that I ask you to go inward now and ask yourself the hard stuff. The ominous unconscious stuff. The archetypal masculinity stuff. The power-play stuff. The perversion persuasion stuff. The secretive stuff. The id’s most cherished stuff.

Only you and your darkness know who you are. Only you and your actions know what you’ve done. That means you and only you have the power to change your behavior.

Are you and your history with women and girls a part of the problem, Mr. Woods?

Go now and look in the mirror and ask yourself if this is true. Go on, I’ll wait. But I won’t hold my breath.

[Image via Joseph Marzullo/FayesVision/WENN.]

Read more: http://perezhilton.com/2017-09-13-amber-tamblyn-james-woods-feud-open-letter

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This Week In Pop Culture (8/04/17)

8/04/2017: ESPN And NBC Are Fulfilling Our Dreams (Minus The Good Parts)

By Daniel Dockery

Despite how great the finale of a TV show may be, we inevitably want more. Deep down, we dream of a new season of Breaking Bad in which Cyborg Bryan Cranston returns to make mecha meth and get even more revenge on those kids that made fun of his son in the clothing store in Season 1. We long to see what happened to the cast of Friends, as they inevitably kicked Phoebe out of the group when her interest in a multilevel marketing scheme became too intense. And another season of Frasier that mostly deals with Kelsey Grammer enduring hilariously timely Tinder mishaps? We yearn for this.

“What’s wrong?” our spouses ask, seeing us awake in bed.

“KELSEY GRAMMER TINDER MISHAPS” we reply.

There is a note on the dresser the next day. They’re gone.

Luckily, NBC and ESPN have heard our cries, and have begun their own deliberation on how to appease us. Their consensus so far? Terribly misguided and/or outdated attempts to feed the nostalgia beast before it consumes us all. There have been talks of reviving The Office, because remember how great that was? Well, before James Spader made shit weird? They might bring it back! Except probably without any of the original cast, and while probably dealing with a different company in a different location. So not so much The Office as An Office.

The deal here is that audiences are supposedly so hungry to relive the glory days of 2009 and so unwilling to be absorbed by modern content that they’ll fight to the death over the scraps of anything that you label The Office. NBC is also mulling over 30 Rock, which also might involve a totally different 30 Rock. Except 30 Rock is not just the name of a show, but also a location. Maybe it’ll take place on different floors of the building? And it’ll most certainly involve a scene wherein Kenneth makes a guest appearance and winks at the camera to remind us that no matter how much we cling to the cliffs of our delightful past, death will always have its hands firmly gripped around our ankles.

Meanwhile, like the dad who wants to remind you that “IS NIIIIICE!!!! MY WAIIIIFFFFFEEEE!” because he just caught Borat on DVD, ESPN is launching a special day of “ESPN8: The Ocho.” Remember The Ocho, from that one joke in a Vince Vaughn comedy that was made 13 years ago? ESPN really hopes you do, and they also hope that you don’t mind that lovably doltish commentator Pepper Brooks, as played by Jason Bateman, isn’t going to make an appearance to take part in festivities that are over a decade too late. So it’s just a lot of weird sports. But it’s The Ocho, which you’ve always wanted, right? You left Dodgeball desiring it, regardless of how little it was related to the film Dodgeball, and you held that desire in your heart all the way to 2017. And now we’re getting it! We’re finally getting it, guys. We can let go.

We can be free.

8/03/2017: How ‘Death Wish’ Could Avoid All Controversy With One Change

By Ian Fortey

The new Death Wish trailer is out, and everyone loves it! Just kidding. The enthusiasm of “Yay Bruce Willis!” has been heavily tempered by “Wait, is this a movie about a guy just shooting whoever he wants in Chicago?” Needless to say, people are wrinkling their noses at the turd that this is. But the turd may have smelled more like roses if Eli Roth and crew had just changed a single element: the costume.

Midway through the trailer, AC/DC’s badass party anthem “Back In Black” starts blasting, as we’re treated to a montage of Willis’ super smooth scalp being lit up by muzzle flare. “You get a bullet, you get a bullet, every damn person in Illinois gets a bullet!” POW! BANG! ZWOK! And then it hits you: Why the hell isn’t he wearing a mask?

If you put a fun costume on Bruce Willis, this immediately goes from unsavory act of racially tinged public terror to kickass superhero movie. Isn’t this essentially The Punisher? Or Batman? Bringing right to the wrongs the police won’t (or legally can’t) address. We eat this shit up with a spoon; it’s justice unfettered by things like the justice system! To demonstrate my point, take the part of the trailer in which Bruce Willis makes a terrible dad joke right before brutally murdering some dude. Now imagine him wearing a cool skull costume, and his name is Deathwish. Now, just before he removes the carjack keeping 1,000 tons of murder steel off this hapless mechanic, the quippy joke “I’m not going to kill you, Jack is” becomes witty banter and not the ravings of a terrifying murderous lunatic! Then with a flip of his cape he could joke, “Too bad you didn’t work at a feather pillow shop,” and we’d lap that crap right up!

The question you’re forced to ask when you realize Bruce Wayne … I mean, Bruce Willis … isn’t a superhero here is “How cool is it to let any random old man start shooting whoever he thinks needs to be shot?” In real life, this is why we don’t tolerate vigilantes. That shit is scary as hell. Imagine Bruce Wayne going away to Ninja Academy and coming home and then, instead of dressing up as a bat, he just has Alfred drive him to the poor part of town where, in a very posh $6,000 suit, he beats the ever-loving shit out of a couple of meth heads. Not a superhero; just a rich man beating up the downtrodden because he feels like there isn’t enough justice in the world.

You need that cartoony element. You need a dude in spandex dancing to “Back In Black,” or the Batmobile, or Bruce Willis giggling like your bloodthirsty uncle to his therapist about how he’s getting out and meeting new people, because the reality of letting hyped-up old dudes with god complexes shoot whoever the hell they want is objectively terrible.

8/02/2017: When JAY-Z And Beyonce Play Fantasy Sports, It’s For Real

By Luis Prada

If the rumors are true, Beyonce wants to buy the Houston Rockets basketball team, which makes sense for a couple of reasons. One, she’s from Houston, and two, buying NBA teams is a cheat code rich people use to get richer — something she already knows, since her husband, JAY-Z, already did exactly that when he bought a stake in his hometown team, the Brooklyn Nets. They were then (and still are) the worst team in the NBA, but he later sold them for the second-highest price of any team sale in the history of the sport after a conflict of interest arose with his ownership of a sports talent agency.

This sets up a fascinating opportunity for Beyonce and JAY-Z. Where some best friends or couples can play NBA 2K17 to build and manage a team, create players, and generally have a ball pretending they have any kind of sway over the fate of an entire professional sports franchise and its league at large, these two are so rich that they can do it in real life. Like, that’s an option that’s not only open to them, but also something they’re actively looking into doing.

This can only mean one thing: With their vast financial resources and cultural influence, Beyonce and JAY-Z will soon launch an NBA eugenics lab so they can make a real-life version of the “Create A Player” feature in the NBA2k series. By defying God and all that is sacred, Beyonce and JAY-Z will grow an army of visually horrifying freaks made to look like pro wrestlers, the Monstars from Space Jam, and themselves, with stats that no womb-incubated human will ever match.

May God have mercy on basketball.

8/01/2017: Suicide Squad Or Jungle Cruise? How About Just Giving Up?

By Lydia Bugg

Suicide Squad has lost what was reportedly its top choice for director, Jaume Collet-Serra. Yes, that Jaume Collet-Serra, the auteur who brought us such cinematic classics as Orphan and The Shallows. This must have been such a difficult decision for him.

On one hand, Suicide Squad was widely hated, but on the other hand, the concept of Disney movies based on a ride has produced such classics as The Haunted Mansion and The Country Bears. How is an in-demand director to choose? Flipping a coin made out of pure asbestos? Did someone have his family locked away, refusing to return them unless he picked between directing Suicide Squad 2 or a Jungle Cruise movie? Was he given two glasses of wine, one full of poison, the other also full of poison but paired with the opportunity to work with Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson (who is expected to star in Jungle Cruise)?

If I were Jaume Collet-Serra, I would look at the writers who are currently working on the scripts for each film. I may be biased, but I think writers are important. Suicide Squad 2 is being penned by the genius who wrote Jack Ryan: Shadow Recruit. Jungle Cruise “went through several drafts by several writers,” which is always a good sign.

Suicide Squad 2 will be pulling from some solid source material in the first film, which people called “bad.” According to The Hollywood Reporter, “Squad 2 is currently a void in need of filling; it has characters, but no direction or plot.” I know how alarmingly existential “a void in need of filling” may sound, but hey, maybe they’ll fill it with Jared Leto being wacky.

The Jungle Cruise ride itself is filled with conflict. For those of you who’ve never been to Disney World to experience this whirlwind, SPOILER ALERT, the plot of the ride is that you’re on a boat cruising through the jungle. Will you see exotic animals or won’t you? That’s the main conflict. Of course, you always do see the animals, because if you didn’t, it wouldn’t be much of a ride. It would be more like a nautical version of waiting in line for a ride. The movie will surely bring all that tension to the table PLUS The Rock in form-fitting khaki shorts.

I know it may seem like I’m ragging on Jaume Collet-Serra, but honestly, I feel a little bit sorry for him. How depressing do you think that coin toss was for him? It’s sad that this is what Hollywood has come to. Welcome to 2017, where the choice isn’t between making a small indie script critic’s love or a big-budget summer blockbuster that audiences adore; it’s Suicide Squad 2 or Jungle Cruise. Turd soup or turd salad, it doesn’t matter what you choose — you’re leaving with a turd in your belly.

7/31/2017: Niantic Sucks Butt

By Ian Fortey

Hey kids, have you played Pokemon Go? Chances are you have because, according to statistics, Pokemon Go has 65 million active monthly users, which is insane and somehow probably half as many as the number of people who can’t play it properly because Niantic, the company behind the game, is committed on every conceivable level, to buttfucking this game mercilessly.

Niantic is being sued for putting on a failed Pokemon Go Jamboree in Chicago that people flew in from as far away as Japan to attend. Turns out if no one can actually access the game thanks to failed networks, or get the in-game swag they were promised, or do anything other than stand around with a Pokefinger in their Pokeass, it’s not a huge load of fun for most. Imagine travelling to Disneyworld and when you get there, a dude in a Mickey suit stands in an empty lot explaining that all the attractions had to be sent out for repairs.

Niantic tried to blame Verizon for the connectivity issues, but not a lot of people are buying it thanks to Niantic’s proud, year-long tradition of stumbling ass backward through the management of this game. Despite making a literal billion dollars off of Pokemon Go, everything that could go wrong with it has gone wrong and continues to go wrong because it’s entirely possible Niantic developed this game thanks to making a wish on a cursed monkey’s paw and the ensuing clusterfuck is their ironic punishment.

From its very launch, Pokemon Go has been a shit show. Slow or completely stalled downloads, failed logins, server overload, the total inability to even download the game and, in some case, a lack of Pokemon. How the fuck do you make a Pokemon game and not include the Pokemon? You know what Pokemon Go without Pokemon is? It’s walking through town with your head down, running into shit for no reason.

Every patch and every update Niantic has rolled out has continued to drill the cruel fist of bumblefuckery deep into Pikachu’s bowels. Server problems are par for the course when it’s not just crashing your phone or sucking your battery dry like it was a milkshake on a balmy day. Four out of five players have stopped playing Pokemon Go yet it’s still a gigantic success.

Imagine what this game would be like with a competent company at the helm. If the Pokemon company had the wherewithal to let someone else take over who could provide support and bug fixes that work, a company that could roll out one thing, just any damn thing, without it failing miserably after even a tiny bit of planning to make sure it worked right the first time. It’d be a license to print money. People want to play this game – they love the idea of it and it’s clearly proven itself to be brilliant. Like a bar offering $1 shots served from glasses that had a hobo tap each one with the tip of his penis, Niantic has a great product wrapped in terrible service and no clue why it’s not working out.

Niantic needs to Pokemon Go fuck themselves and the powers that be can either outsource game management or straight up sell the product to someone with the skills and ability to make the game work. This is already the biggest game ever, why not see what could happen if you knew what the hell you were doing with it?

Read more: http://www.cracked.com/blog/this-week-in-pop-culture-80417/