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6 Online Trolls Who Are (Almost) Too Creepy For Words

Although it started out as an experiment in friendliness and connectivity, the internet has since become a battlefield where you can get bombarded with death threats, dick pics, and worse, all because you disagreed with some blog post. But there were supposed to be rules. No pets. No elderly. No kids. You know, like the mafia. Except in recent years, it seems that not even children are safe from being used as hate-pinatas for the internet’s scum. For example …

6

Creepy Men Are Hacking Baby Monitors (And Talking To The Kids)

Let’s picture the scene: It’s 7 p.m., you’ve finally put the baby down, and you’re about to enjoy your weekly two hours of uninterrupted sleep. Then, as you drift off to half-a-glass-of-wine dreamland, you hear it — an adult voice coming from the nursery. With a strength equivalent to 12 Incredible Hulks and wielding a throw pillow like a flail, you burst into the room to confront the intruder … who isn’t there. That’s when you realize: The voices, they’re coming from outside the house.

This isn’t the start of a horror movie, but what could happen if you’ve bought a WiFi-connected baby monitor or camera but forgot to change the default password. Some creepy asshole could easily hack into it and start sleep-harassing your child. One mother from Ontario was rocking her baby to sleep when eerie music started playing through the monitor and a possibly/definitely insane person told her they were being watched. In Houston, a nanny was startled mid-change by the monitor commenting that the baby had a “really poopy diaper.” When she confronted the parents about their little prank, they had no idea what was going on. In another case, one couple was awakened by the sounds of someone screaming at their baby to wake up, pausing only to cuss out the father when he moved to unplug the device.


The real daddy’s foot was later looking for that guy’s ass.

But possibly the worst case of infant cyberbullying was in 2015. One family started having some difficulties with their son, who was claiming that a man was talking to him at night. A slightly more nuanced story than “there’s a monster underneath my bed,” but the parents didn’t buy it. One fortuitous night, they caught someone whispering “Wake up little boy, daddy’s looking for you” to their son over the monitor they’d installed in his room. They immediately unplugged the device, though burning down the house and salting the earth would have also been a valid response.

Of course, it didn’t take too long for these baby creepers to find each other and set up a cozy little hive. After one family found that their monitor was playing unsettling and mysterious music (which surely is all music that inexplicably seeps in through a baby monitor) they managed to trace the IP address of whomever had accessed it. To their surprise / utter disgust, they discovered a whole goddamn website of people dedicated to plugging themselves into baby monitors, allowing perverts and sociopaths with only grandma-ish levels of tech literacy to create someone’s nightmares.

“There’s at least fifteen different countries listed and it’s not just nurseries — it’s people’s living rooms, their bedrooms, their kitchens,” she explained. “Every place that people think is sacred and private in their home is being accessed.”

Change those fucking passwords, guys.

5

Trolls Inflated The Number Of Kids Missing After The Manchester Bombing

On May 22, 2017, some deranged asshole blew himself up in the foyer of a Manchester Arena, which killed 22 concertgoers, wounded hundreds more, and plunged the city into pandemonium. The emergency services and an army of everyday heroes rushed to the devastated site, whilst social media was abuzz with people organizing shelters, transport, and ways for people to get in touch with their missing loved ones. However, this young man wasn’t one of said missing loved ones:

Twitter

This dapper fellow is John, or TheReportOfTheWeek. He lives in the U.S., reviews food on YouTube, and is definitely not the brother of whatever anonymous fuckwit posted this moments after the attack. His picture was one of many Google Image grabs some ghouls were using to bombard the Twitter hashtag with made-up stories of victims. Among the people whose images were used to sow chaos for laughs were some internet celebrities, very Googleable handsome randos, and, because the world is dark and full of terror, a bunch of disabled child models.


Making a “Hey, I wasn’t really killed in a terror attack” vlog probably isn’t something that he was anticipating for his food review series.

When someone tracked down one of the shitheads responsible, they remarked that really, it was the media’s fault for not carrying out basic due diligence in publicizing the identities of these “missing people.” Yeah, stupid media — i.e. random everyday people on Twitter and Facebook — for believing that nobody would sink low enough to intentionally distract people from helping others during a terrorist attack for their own entertainment. Always count on trolls to prove that we all have too much faith in humanity.

4

Griefers Are Destroying Kids Minecraft Worlds

Griefers are people who have fun playing video games by making sure other people aren’t having fun playing video games. Their techniques range from destroying player homes to spamming games with pixelated dicks and swastikas to trying to get others banned to taking over people’s servers. They lie, destroy, and cheat — whatever it takes to rob people of the pleasures they themselves can’t feel in their empty hearts. And the weaker the player, the easier it is to grief them. Like children.

Griefers targeting kids are the worst of the worst. If they can get a small child to give up on their favorite game, they’ve won. What they win, we can’t begin to guess; we’re not criminal psychiatrists. However, we know that the real payoff comes in the form of YouTube videos complete with the high-pitched voices of unhappy kids. And the most popular of all are the Minecraft videos. Since entering the mainstream, Minecraft has become very popular with children, which has infuriated plenty of older players — probably because they make it harder to pretend that Minecraft isn’t just millennial Legos.

Minecraft griefers will pretend to be reviewers from gaming sites so they can lure kids into letting them into their space. Once they’ve infiltrated, they proceed to crash servers, destroy buildings, imprison characters, and basically act like your asshole brother who ruined your pillow fort after you spent a month building it. But as if that kind of cruelty isn’t enough, they then record and publish those children crying on YouTube for the enjoyment of thousands of morally bankrupt human joy-vampires — or teenagers, as we typically call them.

In fact, these videos are so popular that there’s a cottage industry of griefers who have managed to monetize the tears of children. And while this information is enough for most of us to start praying for a meteor to come finish us off like the dinosaurs, others are fighting back. There are guides on how to protect yourself from griefers, and guides for parents on how to handle it, and surprisingly few of advise them to simply start kicking any 14-29-year-old men they meet square in the balls.

And to any kids playing Minecraft reading this: Guides are great, caution is better, but knowledge is best. And know that you’ve already won, because you’re eight and you’re already better at life than these sad, sorry, C- cyberbullies.

3

YouTube Is Crawling With Horrific Gory Remakes Of Kids TV Programs

If you still think bronies are creepy, get with the program. This is 2017, when adults jacking it to rainbow-colored ponies are boring because they aren’t trying to actively scar young children with their mental issues. Not like the new trolls on the block, who intentionally want to traumatize kids via reimaginings of their favorite cartoons all gored up.

Take Peppa Pig, of Peppa Pig fame. On YouTube, there are tons of videos masked as clips from the real show which in truth feature Peppa being put through grotesquely violent things without warning. In one video, Peppa is accosted by a psychotic dentist, who rips her teeth out as she screams in agony.

Another video features Peppa being kidnapped, stabbed, and assaulted by groups of attackers who drag her into the woods while she cries helplessly. The animation isn’t great, but that doesn’t make much difference if you’re three and want to see your favorite pig not be molested.

There are hundreds of examples like this. Popular characters from the likes of Frozen, Thomas The Tank Engine, Despicable Me, Sesame Street, and many others unwillingly star in animated snuff videos. And before you remind us of the fun of Happy Tree Friends, this isn’t meant to be enjoyed by weird adults like us. With channel names like “Toys and Funny Kids Surprise Eggs” (its videos have over five billion views), part of the fun is clearly imagining scores of small children stumbling upon these freak shows and crying all the way to the therapist’s chair.

2

Stormfront Is Tricking Students With A Bullshit MLK Jr. Website

The “alt-right” is all about rewriting history, whether it’s claiming black people couldn’t be Roman legionnaires or pretending that Hitler systematically genocided entire classes of humanity as a bit of a prank, bro. They need to do this because, according to them, history has a deep liberal bias. (It’s also written by the winners, so let that inferiority complex sink in for a moment.) But it’s hard to convince fully formed minds to believe fucked-up white supremacist bullshit instead of legions of respected academics with carefully vetted facts. So when fascists run out of stupid, they have to target the young.

Since the freaking ’90s, the Neo-Nazi website Stormfront has taken to spoofing an official-looking Martin Luther King Jr. website, full of facts and figures that they’re dying for kids to red pill the playground with — including that time he beat up prostitutes, conspired with the Communist Party to take over the country, and cheated on his wife.


They even have flyers! Great for when you want to recreate that opening scene from Die Hard With A Vengeance.

The website, http://martinlutherking.org, is designed to entrap lazy students with overdue book reports who’ll take the first source Google hands them. And it works. It’s such a problem for teachers that they have to keep reminding their students that the official website of this national hero doesn’t call him a “beast” and blame his promotion on the all-powerful ZOG.

It’s weird that many young people don’t question why the guy’s official website was calling for his federal holiday to be cancelled, but they were probably too fascinated by the pop quiz which tells you whether you’re a politically correct libcuck or a woke race realist who’s definitely going to be assassinated by the government. But if you’re looking for a comforting detail, here’s one: This is a problem that’s only destined to get worse. As of now, 35 percent of students are handing in homework assignment that cite spoof websites, fake news, and bullshit statistics that wouldn’t look out of place at a White House press conference.

Oh wait. That wasn’t comforting at all, was it?

1

Role-Players Are Stealing Kids Photos And “Adopting” Them on Instagram

By now, we all know to keep intimate photographs away from the internet if we don’t want them falling into unwanted hands. But it’s no longer just your private reel of nipples and butts that people will use for their invasive entertainment. Internet weirdos will even take the most innocent part of people’s lives and tamper with it: pictures of their children.

Digital kidnapping is one of the latest fucked-up fads sweeping social media, Instagram in particular, and it’s even creepier than it sounds. These pic-nappers sift through photos of other people’s children and claim them as their own, writing up biographies, talking about fake hobbies and quirks, giving them fake names — in short, turning real children into creepy internet dolls for their unmedicated pleasure.

It starts with followers who appear to come out of nowhere. They watch your account, steal the images of your kids, rename them, and claim them as their own. It’s very distressing for parents, who are often unaware until they receive confusing messages from strangers who have seen their children under different names, with different parents and different lives — lives that would make normal people want to call the cops. Here’s a sample of the way role-playing works on Instagram:

With the *shudder* rising popularity of digital kidnapping, so-called “adoption agencies” have sprung up to supply photographs of attractive babies and even older children for “role-players” to claim for themselves. It might not seem too bad on the surface, but imagine being a parent and finding an avatar of your daughter online telling some grown man to stop taking pictures of her in bed. Another of these depicts a newborn with tubes coming out of its body, captioned: “My mother had me trying to kill me in the hospital bathroom. She had me and left me in the toilet. Luckily I clogged the toilet … I need a mommy.”

Some role-players are weirdly fixated on the nudity of the babies, on the sexual power they will wield as they grow up, or other creeptastic aspects of the process of raising a child. The comments aren’t always kind, either. One mother found a role play pic of her five-month-old baby accompanied by jeering comments about the child being ugly and malformed. Worse still, some fake parents enjoy pretending to abuse the children as part of their story. Who knew people who steal pictures of kids and then pretend they’re their children would have mental health issues?

But while digital kidnapping isn’t a crime (not yet, anyway), it can be a gateway to the vile recesses on the internet. According to Australia’s Children’s eSafety Commissioner, almost half of the filth found on pedophilia sites come from social media. Those who role-play with other people’s children are also setting up handy repositories for actual criminal degenerates to get off on. Remember, folks: This is the internet. If you can fake-kidnap a baby to take fake care of, someone else can fake-kidnap your fake baby to fake-molest it. Being a fake-parent is harder than it looks.

When they aren’t planning their island cult/utopia, Marina and Adam spread the good word on Twitter. Adam also has a Facebook page and a newsletter about creepy history that only the coolest kids are subscribed to. You’re cool, aren’t you? Prove it.

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Artist created vitiligo dolls and moves us a step towards representation for all

Toys are moving into the right direction with the expansion of products catered to represent all backgrounds and more creators are taking a step further in providing representation beyond race/ethnicity. 

Kay Black created a custom design boutique called Kay Customz and started creating custom-made dolls just eight months ago. Her newest creations feature dolls with the rare skin condition vitiligo. Vitiligo is a pigmentation disorder that whitens patches of skin around the body. 

“I wanted to create dolls that any and everyone can relate to. I see beauty in everyday life,” she told Mashable. “I wanted to convey the message that beauty should not be manufactured. Beauty should be based on one’s true self mirror image.”

A post shared by kays customz (@kaycustoms) on

A post shared by kays customz (@kaycustoms) on

A post shared by kays customz (@kaycustoms) on

Black is a nail technician and hair stylist, but always felt the creative side in her to pursue this found interest. She gets her inspiration from everyday people and develops different styles for each individual doll. “I love what I do and take pride in each custom design!” the artist stated on her website

The time it takes her to complete a doll can range from a few days to a week. She usually finds the dolls from thrift stores and yard sales. “I paint and customize them, not to take away from anyone else’s work. I simply use the old dolls as canvases,” she explained.

As a result of the success of her vitiligo dolls, the artist started creating dolls with facial features like freckles and individuals with albinism. She even expanded her collection to feature male dolls. 

A post shared by kays customz (@kaycustoms) on

A post shared by kays customz (@kaycustoms) on

A post shared by kays customz (@kaycustoms) on

Many people have praised her on social media, thanking her for being represented through her dolls. They’ve also caught the attention of actors Tia Mowry and Mike Epps. 

“When Mike Epps shares ur work I think it safe to say this doll went viral!!,” she captioned on Instagram

A post shared by kays customz (@kaycustoms) on

WHEN MIKE EPPS SHARES UR WORK I THINK IT SAFE TO SAY THIS DOLL WENT VIRAL!!😍🤗 #mikeepps @eppsie THANKS

A post shared by kays customz (@kaycustoms) on

While Black continues to expand and experiment with her doll collection, she has a future goal she hopes to achieve, “My goal is to go beyond the average assembly line looking doll. I want relatable, realistic dolls,” she explained to Mashable. “My goal is to have my own line of beautiful dolls one day.” 

Kay Black might be closer to her goal than she thinks. 

Every editorial product is independently selected by Mashable journalists. If you buy something featured, we may earn an affiliate commission which helps support our journalism.

Read more: http://mashable.com/2017/10/04/artist-creates-dolls-vitiligo-skin-condition/

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Evaporation Could Be The New Source Of Renewable Energy

A new form of renewable energy could be added to solar, wind, and hydro power. Better still, evaporation as an energy source should be more continuous than most other renewables. So far, the technology has only been demonstrated on a tiny scale, but a new study shows that, if it can be scaled up at a practical cost, it could provide two-thirds of the electricity used in the United States.

Changing liquids to gasses involves the absorption of energy. Water has an unusually high specific latent heat, meaning a high amount of energy required to cause a particular amount to change state. Consequently, it normally represents an energy sink, not a source.

Two years ago, however, Columbia biophysicist Dr Ozgur Sahin demonstrated what he calls the Evaporation Engine. The engine uses bacterial spores that swell when they absorb water. If the spores are attached on each side of a piece of tape with the lines offset, changes in humidity flex the tape, pulling on a piston or rotary engine.


The rotary version of the evaporative engine. Joe Turner Lin

Normally, it would take too long for the environment to change sufficiently for anything useful to come of this, but Sahin placed his tapes inside a container part filled with water. Some were attached to a shutter. When sunlight evaporated some of the water, the air became humid, stretching the tape and opening the shutter. Outside air caused the humidity to fall, which in turn contracted the tapes, closing the shutter. Even after some of the energy produced was used to control the shutters, enough was left to drive miniature cars or power a small light.

There’s probably a market for toys powered this way, but practical application is a different matter. At the time, Sahin and his team thought it might be useful for off-grid electricity production. Now, in Nature Communications Sahin has thought bigger. Much bigger. If the engines were placed on lakes and reservoirs across America, he calculates they could produce 15 Watts per square meter in the right circumstances, and 325 gigawatts nationally, even without tapping the Great Lakes. This equals 69 percent of the electricity America now consumes.

Covering vast areas of lakes with evaporation machines would be expensive, but there would be benefits as well. Somewhat ironically, the machines reduce the rate of evaporation, preserving fresh water in dry areas – exactly the places where the evaporation is fastest, and possibly help paying for the system.

Perhaps most importantly, although evaporation is powered by sunlight and wind, it doesn’t stop even on still nights, although it will slow down. Consequently, a grid powered by evaporation would need less battery storage than one depending on solar or wind.


Evaporation is far stronger in the south-west – exactly the area where the water the engine preserves would be most valuable. Columbia University

 

Read more: http://www.iflscience.com/technology/evaporation-could-be-the-new-source-of-renewable-energy/

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Why Old People Think Millennials Are Killing The World

I can’t take another article about millennials. Which is ironic, since the title of this article will likely have the word “millennials” in it. Since it’s sort of about … you know, millennials. I say “sort of” because I don’t think the tidal wave of “MILLENNIALS ARE KILLING ____” pieces are really about them. Not at their core.

When you really break them down, these articles are about my generation. And my parents’ generation. And every generation that has ever existed since the dawn of humans. Yes, they’re phrased as “Millennials are killing X industry, and that’s bad,” but what they’re really saying is, “The times, they are a-changin’, and that scares the shit out of me.” I don’t agree with those articles, because I think they’re impressively idiotic. But I think the key to battling moronicism is understanding what makes a moron moronic. I haven’t decided whether my own insight is fortunate or unfortunate, but …

This Generation Is Changing The World In A Way That I’m Not Prepared For, And Therefore It Must Be Stopped

Let’s say you live in some tribal culture a few thousand years before the first guy with a Christ complex comes along. Your basic priorities in life are to eat, fuck, sleep, repeat. But because Walmart hasn’t invented guns and smoker grills yet, most of your time is wrapped up in that whole “prevent death by shoving food in your suck-hole” hobby. During your midlife crisis at age 12, you realize, “Holy crap, I’m actually pretty good at this cooking thing. Life would be so much simpler if people just brought me dead things, and I made the meals for everyone.” It makes sense, right? That gives everyone else a couple more hours per day to sleep and/or fuck. In exchange, maybe they throw you an extra rat or something for your trouble. Boom, the first McDonald’s is born.

Within weeks, very few people in your tribe are making their own meals. Why would they? You have that shit covered. This upsets the 25-year-old elders, who spread warnings of impending disaster. “Ogg Brrrpth has destroyed the vital skill of cooking! What if he dies tomorrow? Who will then make our food?” This is a legitimate problem, but not an unsolvable one. You suggest training a couple of apprentices who can step in and take over when you inevitably get eaten by dragons. But the elders are still terrified. “It’s impossible! You have doomed us all,” they shout through mouthfuls of food that you prepared.

Flash-forward several thousand years, substitute “food” with “economy,” and you get a pretty good idea of how this cycle continues today. For instance, this article from Business Insider talks about how millennials are killing casual restaurants. It’s not preaching doom, but the argument it produces among readers is “What does this do to our economy?” I mean, TGI Fridays alone pulled in $1.57 billion in 2015. In 2013, they employed over 70,000 people. That’s a pretty big chunk of change. Take that away, and we’re losing a massive amount of income, spending, and taxes. But “Millennials are killing casual restaurants” does not mean “Millennials have stopped eating food.” They’re just doing it elsewhere. And spending a metric fuckload of money in the process.

My generation doesn’t see the growth because we’re distracted by watching the current crop of humans destroying the conveniences we built. We don’t see that it’s often in favor of another, way more convenient and profitable system. My parents thought computers were making kids dumber because for some reason words on physical paper … magically made people smart? My grandparents bemoaned fast food because it was destroying home cooking and family meals. Their parents were worried that cars made people lazy. And back in those tribal days, I guarantee there were a bunch of traditionalists complaining that “Kids these days have it way too easy. You can’t truly appreciate a meal unless you’ve felt the warm blood of a fresh kill on your hands.”

My generation created a ton of conveniences with the technology that was available, and we did it by deconstructing and remodeling the ones my parents created. We then got used to those conveniences and couldn’t imagine life without them. And now that we see them being deconstructed by our own kids, we have to adapt to the new stuff. And that’s as scary as a John Holmes anal scene.

And that means …

The Problems Millennials Are Dealing With For The First Time Are Problems We’re Dealing With For The First Time

This is going to sound like a really stupid statement, because it kind of is: Modern problems are modern. But it’s important in understanding why every headline about the current generation sounds like old people screaming “We’re all gonna fuckin’ die!” I’m going to give you a minor example of how this works.

In the late 1980s, my dad somehow found a way to splurge and buy us a Nintendo. I’m assuming he harvested and sold the kidneys of a drifter, because we could barely afford clothes at the time. We lost our shit when we opened that box on Christmas morning, and we couldn’t wait to hook it up and start smashing bricks and stomping turtles … and also play Super Mario Bros. We rushed back to the crappy black-and-white TV in our bedroom, and … spent the next hour trying to figure out why it wasn’t working.

See, the original Nintendo had an RF switch, which looked like this:

Via Museumofplay.org

It’s pretty simple by today’s standards, but remember, home entertainment was just becoming a thing back then. Very few people were versed in hooking up electronics. You had to figure out how to run the cable through the switch, then run the switch through the VCR, which then went into the back of the TV. The TV had to be on a specific channel in order to display what was on the VCR. And the VCR itself had to be on a specific channel in order to display what was on the Nintendo. Get one step wrong, and you’re playing a game of Jack Vs. Shit with your friend Chad Nobody.

This is more important than you might realize. See, if my bicycle broke, Dad could fix it (and teach me how), because he grew up with a bike too. He knew how they work from experience. The design has been the same since 1885, so my bicycle problem had at one point been his bicycle problem.

But this Nintendo thing was brand-new to both of us. He knew as much about fixing that problem as I did, so after an hour, his frustration boiled over into “I have no idea: Learn how to fix it yourself. Why can’t you just go outside and poke roadkill with a stick like we used to do?” In his mind, my generation created this new thing which killed off his familiar means of entertainment. Then when a problem flopped its big ol’ dick across our chins, his reaction was to slap it away and blame me for letting it. “You wanted this, so you deal with the cock-chin.”

Now imagine the same scenario, but you’re the parent, and your teenager’s phone bricks. What the hell do you do? Both you and your kid have come to depend on cellphones, and now you’re both in the same boat — you have a $900 paperweight, and neither of you knows what to do about it. When you’re in that position, it’s extremely easy to resent the modern convenience. “If we still had a land line, this wouldn’t be an issue. But now I have to go back to the cellphone store and fuck around with that for three hours. If the warranty is expired, I’ll have to buy a new one. This is BULLSHIT!”

But at its core, you’re just outright embarrassed. You feel insignificant, and it’s all that goddamn phone’s fault. And when that kid learns to fix it on their own? That means they’re now smarter than you. They don’t need your help anymore. You either learn what they just learned, or you become obsolete.

Understand that even though we often overlook that aspect, we’re not totally unaware of it. The frustration overshadows logic when we’re in the moment, but I think a lot of us do recognize that we’re perpetuating an eons-old cycle. So if we’re self-aware, why do we keep buying into those dumbass blind panic articles? Well …

There’s A Kernel Of Truth In Most Of Those Articles

My middle son is very much like me, in that he prefers most of his communication to happen with a thick wall of internet between himself and his target. I’m not great at meatspace conversations, and I goddamn loathe talking on a phone (which is ironic, since several hours of my day are spent on editorial calls … I’m a very important person). With text, I can take the time to craft what I want to say. If I type something stupid, I can just delete it and start over. Start an actual verbal sentence with “You know the thing that nobody understands about reverse racism,” and that shit is now in the ear holes of your peers, no takebacks.

There is, however, a huge difference between me choosing that form of communication and my teenage son doing it: He’s never been forced to learn the harder skill in the first place.

What I’m about to say is going to make me sound like an old man screaming “GIT OFF-A MAH LAWN,” but bear with me. There’s a reason I’m bringing it up. When I was a kid, we had video games, but even multiplayer required your friends to be in the same room with you. Having food delivered still required you, at a bare minimum, to speak to another human on the phone. A ton of our entertainment required face-to-face interaction … even with people you hated. There’s a Chad in every group, and learning to deal with that douchebag is extremely important.

Have you ever had to deal with a really rude customer service worker? What tone and expression do you use when you get pulled over by a cop? Ever had to make a believable ass-saving excuse on the fly? How can you tell when someone is masking that they’re offended? Can you tell by reading their body language and tone of voice? All of that shit comes from practice, and you only get it by spending a nutload of time around people in the physical world. I didn’t do that by choice. I was forced to do it. The big difference I was referring to is that my son is not. And I’m not going to force him to do it, but I realize there are consequences for that.

I had to teach him that using a certain tone when making a joke — especially dark ones — could be misconstrued. That people could take him seriously if he didn’t know the very subtle cues that let them in on it. That sarcasm in text is a totally different structure than sarcasm coming out of your word hole.

So what does all of that have to do with these kinds of articles? Well, as much as I hate to admit it, a lot of them actually do have a sliver of insight. Just a slight hint of truth. Yes, millennials are a contributing factor to Applebee’s declining sales. Yes, millennials do have more trouble talking on the phone than older generations. And yes, they do in fact start “real world” life later than their parents.

When you mix those kernels of truth with a bunch of dumb outrage bait, like this horseshit article, it gets easier and easier to buy into the fucknuttery. It’s a powerful form of dishonesty that starts as an astute observation and ends as your grandmother saying, “See, I knew those video games were the devil!”

Don’t let it get to you. My grandparents’ generation said the same thing about my parents. My parents’ generation said the same thing about mine (we were called “slackers” — I now own my own house). And now my generation is keeping that shit-ball rolling right onto yours. They want to blame you for Toys R Us going bankrupt? Fine. I’ll reap the rewards of your generation allowing me to buy toys without ever leaving my chair.

That is, until millennials kill the concept of chairs.

John Cheese is a senior editor and the head of columns for Cracked. You can find him on Twitter.

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Learn how the generation gap makes it impossible for us to all get along in 5 Lies Millennials And Baby Boomers Believe About Each Other, and see how teens are unfairly judged in 5 Complaints About Modern Teens (That Are Statistically BS).

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